Nelson Clemente interview

I caught up with Perth-based singer-songwriter Nelson Clemente who discussed his upbringing, his music, his sexuality (he’s gay) and many more things besides.

Q. You’ve talked to me of not getting the support you would have liked from your parents regarding your musical profession.  Do you think the fact you haven’t been spurred on by fervent parents is actually a blessing in disguise because in effect you’re doing it for yourself? Or has it been a burden?

A. It has been both. I’ve achieved things I’ve never thought I could on my own. On the other hand, there are moments I feel I really need that “we’ll stick by you no matter what” push. You know, when you’re down and out and nothing else seems to lift you up. I have singer friends who have that and I get a bit envious.

Q. A lot of parents seem happier when their kids have got a qualification and are doing a 9-5 job than if say they wanted to be an actor, a musician, a sculptor etc etc. Why do you think this is?

A. I’m an engineer by profession. How do you think I can keep a mortgage and do all this music stuff?! I don’t have a fairy godmother. I gave up full time work recently for a smaller pay cheque but a more flexible working arrangement. I manage IT projects over the Internet and run my own design web design business. In between I work on music or other projects. I guess I could have achieved a lot more in engineering if it were my main focus, or even my passion, but its not.

My parents know I’m not exactly one to settle for a 9 to 5. That scares them I think. Why would they be happier if this weren’t the case? Love? Fear? It is totally out of concern for my well-being. It is the only thing they know, the formula that has worked for them and they think will work for you. I’d be lying if I said my parents weren’t the best they could be. They encouraged me in other pursuits, which I’m grateful for. But there comes a time when they just need to let go and have some faith that they don’t always know what is right. When/if that happens isn’t something I can’t control. I’m still trying to let that go mind you.”

Q. You’ve spoken about having given up several times. Do you think you can though? Creativity for some people is akin to breathing, it’s such an integral part of who they are and it does seem to be that way with you. Therefore even if you did quit, surely it would still come through in some way?

A. I think back to why I started this. My parents bought me a guitar in 1996 (I wonder if they regret that!). I was 15. I never really listened to music on the radio. But I liked to sing and make up melodies. I was good with words. But never looked at a singer then and thought “I want to be like that”. I would make “shows” for families when I was kid, but I didn’t make the music connection until I learnt my first chords. I just began writing songs. I don’t know where they came from, but it saved me I think. I mean, when you’re a teen sorting out everything that is in your head who knows where it will take you. It was therapy. I could close the door and off I went into a daydream. It was an amazing buzz and I’ve been addicted ever since.

I also dream music a lot. I’m not a very deep sleeper and it is at this semi-awake state that I hear songs. I often wake up wondering what that song was, only to realise it only exists in my head. If I’m lucky, I have a recorder close by to sing to before it seeps back into my subconscious. Sometimes it is a detailed as me having to explain in the recording “the piano part comes in here, but then intensifies before the strings come in like this….”

Q. Being a one man act has to have drawbacks ie you’re taking whatever criticism you get directly and with full force but on other levels, it has to have some real benefits. I would imagine you have total artistic control?

A. Again, yes and no. Sometimes it is good to have a producer or co-writer by your side to help you sort through the crap quickly. On my own it takes me a while to distance myself and realise something just doesn’t work. Having people to bounce off of can help you to get on with it. At the same time, I do my best writing on my own. Even when I’ve collaborated with others I’ve always preferred to take music or ideas back home with me and work on them on my own first.

Q. You talk of being a ‘mental case’ who happens to have found some self-therapy. Is that a bad thing? It’s hardly a negative, utilising your art to channel out whatever you happen to be thinking and feeling?

A. Totally a good thing. I would have lost it a long time ago if it weren’t for this form of self expression. Trust me.

Q. You wrote “Unsaveable” the last time you seriously quit the business. You view it as your best song thus far, do you think it came through out of the fact you had effectively quit and therefore there was no pressure on you to create or do you feel the song was borne out of the experience of having had enough of the business?

A. I actually came up with the main chorus on the way to a therapy session! I just kept wondering if I would ever be “normal”. Wondering if I’m broken beyond repair. When I began recording the demo it was really just for my own benefit. I think I let go of trying to impress people. I just stopped caring. I sang thinking of certain people in my life. The song then started to take on the personality of my reaction to the music industry and how I feel it has let people like me down. Feeling old and losing that window of opportunity. “I’ve lost faith in you / Like the desert feels the cold / There is nothing more that I can do / But time and getting old” I’ve been told more than once by industry folk that I’m getting a bit ancient to break into this business. Like, I’m 27 man!!!

Q. Tell me a little about your website gaytruth.info?  What was the thinking behind creating it and have you been surprised by the reactions it’s garnered from the many people who’ve contacted you because of it?

A. Part of my letting go of my music allowed me to spend some time on other forms of “self therapy”. This is one of them. I needed to encapsulate what I know is true in my heart against the demons floating in my head. The stuff you hear so often that subconsciously you begin to believe its true. What I didn’t realise is how many people Google stuff like “what causes homosexuality?”. So I’ve been contacted by people who want to share their stories. Some really sad ones, but others are quite uplifting. I have a bunch of material and interviews to publish. It is all about putting them into a readable format and making time for that. I can’t wait to get them out there.

Q. You spoke to me recently about the 3 things us, as gay people, must overcome in order to have a good sense of self. Could you elucidate further on those and what they mean to you?

A. Elucidate. I just learnt a new word! The key point is awareness that we are all subconsciously homophobic. It is impossible not to be within most social milieus. It is knowing how it affects our romantic relationships and friendships with others. How it affects our self confidence. How it makes us view the world and ourselves. In the most part we don’t know it is happening to us, but is such a strong force. The other thing is that we need to stop being so apathetic toward our cause. We are fortunate that many gay people have supportive parents, friends and work environments, but there are still many of us out there who actually need the law as their guardian. But no one is that enlightened or informed. I’ve heard so many stories of families challenging superannuation and property rights of partners who have passed away. We seem to have found a comfort zone that “change will just happen”. What about the people who need that change now? That is a reason why movements like Prop 8 have succeeded. We seem to have lost the unity needed to fight these sorts of injustices that turn this into a moral issue.

Q. Do you think it’s ever possible for the self-hating to be gone altogether especially if the messages growing up were so anti being gay?

A. No. Honestly. I think to a level it is a part of you for life. If we’re crazy, its not because of our sexual orientation. You just have to manage it. All the mind screws we need to deal with on a daily basis. All the messages you get from religious teachings when you’re a child. The expectation that you can never live up to. Turning to someone for help only to realise they want to change you. Negative reactions from people that stay etched in your mind forever and ultimately affects your self esteem. I was talking to a gay friend recently about this and he disagreed. For the most part he has all the support he needs from family and friends. So then we began talking about his relationships and why they don’t seem to last. Power and role playing issues much? Bingo. He gets it now.

Q. “I’ve noticed that being gay doesn’t seem to dent those in the music industry as much as it does say people in the acting profession or in sport. Why do you think this is?”

A. With sport I get it. You can’t be athletic, macho, successful and gay at the same time right? There were thousands of Olympians competing this year in Beijing and Matthew Mitcham was the only out gay athlete. Who got the Gold medal for the most convincing closet case?

With actors, I guess it is less believable to audiences for an openly gay person to play the straight part. Mind you, straight stars are commended for their amazingly convincing gay performances. Method acting at its best.

I’m not sure why it is less lethal for singers. Is that really true though? I know so many gay, very “straight acting” ones out there who are very closeted (manager’s request much of the time). I’ve also read feedback from fans who have been severely disheartened to hear that their favourite will-marry-me-and-father-my-children artist bats for the other team. Oh well, there goes ten years of daydreaming wedding plans and magazine cut out collections.

Q. “Where would you like to see yourself in 5 years from now?”